that's it

Yesterday I laughed when my agent sent me the details about a job. It was a commercial for an undisclosed birth control pill and for an undisclosed amount of remuneration. I mean I haven't had contact with my agency for a year and the first job they've sent me to is a birth control pill commercial? I get it, I'm an out of demand model who hasn't had work for so long now that she can't remember the last time she got a job.


But if you think that I'm that desperate that I'll take up any work, you're out of your mind.

Ok I learnt the lines of the script and went along to the audition today anyway. As with almost all auditions/castings of my life, I totally screwed it up. Majorly. They wanted someone who could speak with an American accent (it was for the American market) so they asked me to do an intro about myself with the accent. I got nervous and any accents I've felt silly enough to speak in started popping out, I could hear myself mixing Scottish and French and American accents all in a mumble jumble. And if that wasn't bad enough, when it came to the actual reading of the lines, I totally forgot them. Way to go, hunh.

The thing that irritated me the most was that the casting agent lady was so nice about it, she kept complimenting on little non-important things like "oh I like the way you did with your hands" (All I did was keeping them my pockets!) and "your smile is really nice" (this one was just lame!)

She shouldn't have been so nice to give me false hopes! Ok, I know I did terribly and you being nice is just going to make it that much worse because it'll give me false hopes and I'll be that much more disappointed when I won't get the job.

Sorry, I'm just being bitchy coz I'm such a miserable failure. The lady was genuinely nice and I'm actually grateful for that since she could've been so much more nasty about it. Still, it irritates me.

Bloody hell, I'm just gonna quit it. I've never did well at modelling, didn't even attempt to act for a second, why should I try now? I'll just stick to being plain old me. No more castings, no more running around town trying to find obscure audition locations. That's it.

I'm throwing in the proverbial towel and calling it quits.